BEFORE ANDÉGO

Gabrielle: Thanks for joining me. I’d love to start out by having you tell me a little bit about yourself. You’re from Oregon, right?

Emma: Thanks for having me. So I actually grew up in the Bay Area in a small town outside Oakland. Then at 13, my family moved to Corvallis, Oregon, which is an even smaller town. As a young teenager, moving from glitzy California to rural Oregon was a big culture shock. But what was amazing about it was, I began to realize how much you can get your hands into when you’re really invested in a place.

Gabrielle: Is that what ultimately brought you back there?

Emma: Yep, I’m currently a senior at Oregon State University. I’m about to get my degree in Music. I have a vocal performance coming up.

Gabrielle: That’s exciting…What range?

Emma: Soprano. I grew up doing musical theater, but in college I got really hooked on opera. I'm currently training to become an opera soprano, which is something I never would have imagined. A lot of credit goes to my gap year for that, because my exposure to classical music in Europe really changed the way I viewed it.

Gabrielle: How so? 

Emma: The first thing I realized when I moved in with my French host-family was that classical music has such a deep-rooted tradition, even within the household. And what was so surprising was, at my French school, my students spoke about soloist performers they'd seen at the Grande Opéra, for example. I was taken aback because no one really talked about that sort of thing when I was growing up.

The first thing I realized when I moved in with my French host-family was that classical music has such a deep-rooted tradition, even within the household.

There was also a moment where I tried to explain musical theater to my host family. They were like, “So it's like pop music, and the people on stage are 30, but they act like they're 15.” I couldn't get them to understand the philosophy behind it. And it was so funny because that's how I used to feel when people explained opera to me. It always felt dramatic and inauthentic. Then as I studied it, I saw the authenticity of the people who believed in it, and that just changed the way I look at these dying arts, as some people call them…But they've been around for all these years for a good reason, right? So hopefully they will endure.

Gabrielle: It's so cool for me to chat with someone passionate about other types of arts. I think art is exciting when someone's excited about it. 

Emma: I love that. I'm going to write that down after this.

BECOMING "PERSONALITY-LESS" WHILE LIVING ABROAD

Gabrielle: How did all of that translate into your teaching? Were you able to share your passion for music with your students?

Emma: Not at first. When I arrived at my French school, I was just l'Américaine, right? Being American was suddenly my only defining factor. For the first 18 years of my life, I had been “the music girl,” or “the theater girl,” but when I moved to France, my definitive qualities were no longer relevant.

That being said, rebuilding my entire image from the ground up allowed me to reappreciate the things I'd taken for granted about myself. And so the time I spent in my school was less about reinforcing the skills I’d had my whole life, such as my musicality, and instead about just letting them live within me.

Rebuilding my entire image from the ground up allowed me to reappreciate the things I'd taken for granted about myself.

Gabrielle: Do you think that’s a universal experience when it comes to living abroad? As in, do you suddenly become "personality-less" when you move to a new place with a new language?

Emma: Yes, and you have to lean into your other strengths and build other parts of your personality. I was always a confident, outspoken, bubbly person…but when I first arrived in France, I realized I couldn’t be that girl in French. There was something about reining that in though that let me focus on what I want to do with my life. I started realizing the thing that truly brings me joy is connecting with people and inspiring them. I also realized that I’m not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay. When I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me and was more natural, I found people gravitated towards me, especially in the teaching world.

DECIDING TO DO A GAP YEAR

Gabrielle: I love that. Just to backtrack a little…What made you decide to do a gap year in France?

Emma: Ah okay so I was supposed to graduate high school in 2021, which meant I went through my junior and half of my senior year during the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic. Right around then, a lot of people were shifting out of the mindset of going straight to college during COVID.

Before COVID, I was strongly involved in theater and music programs...Then suddenly, all the ways I built connections and felt fulfilled weren't available anymore. It was like the light had been sucked out of my life.

My amazing high school French teacher offered to do Zoom lessons to keep up my French though. It was the only thing I really looked forward to because it felt like I was still learning and connecting with someone. 

My teacher had participated in some study abroad opportunities when she was in college, and she was familiar with Robert from Andégo because she'd also taught in Oregon. One day she was like, “You should look into applying to this program.” I was very skeptical. I just wanted to get to college, but I was also getting college rejection letters, which hurt. I was like, “Why is what everyone else doing not working for me?”

So I decided to attend a virtual informational night with Andégo. Robert presented a slideshow and then had alumni come on who had gone through the program. One girl who had done her gap year abroad was now living in Hawaii, and her setting was absolutely gorgeous. As I watched everyone talk so brightly about their experiences, I realized they didn't seem as though they’d made a wrong choice. They only seemed more sure of themselves. They had this quality to them, and I was like, “That…I want that.” I remember feeling this genuine sense of relief, like, “Oh, you can do more.” My mom and I talked it over, and then all of the sudden I was on a flight to France. 

Looking back I think, thank goodness my life took a huge train track stop because I had to slow down to realize the path I was on wasn't for me. It was this kind of divine moment where I decided to reframe everything. That's why I say my gap year taught me more lessons than I could have imagined, because that was the kind of work I was doing there.

I'm actually a tour ambassador for Oregon State at the moment, and I always encourage prospective students to consider doing a gap year…Don't feel pressure to run into college or run into a world you think you need to be in.

Looking back I just think, thank goodness my life took a huge train track stop because I had to slow down to realize the path I was on wasn't for me.

Gabrielle: Would you say your gap year prepared you to start college with a new level of confidence?

Emma: Definitely. I wasn’t ready right out of high school. When I graduated, I deferred to Oregon State because it was my home base university. I knew some of the administration in my area, and they were really excited I was taking a gap year. They agreed it would involve very impactful self-work, so they held my scholarships and acceptance for me. Then I took my gap year in Bordeaux, France from August of 2021 until July of 2022, and I began college in fall of 2022.

There were many times in the final months of my gap year where I was like, “Is there a way I can stay here? This is the best thing ever and I love this lifestyle.” I knew my time in France was not over though. I knew it was just opening the storybook of my future.

I came back to Oregon feeling like I had the strength and skills to go wherever, whenever, and be confident I could build a new life there. That was something I couldn’t say without the gap year. It allowed me to explore and tackle hard questions and tough situations. Even my college experience was much richer because of the work I'd done that year.

I came back feeling like I had the strength and skills to go wherever, whenever, and be confident I could build a new life there. 

LIFE IN BORDEAUX

Gabrielle: So just to paint a picture for anyone considering Bordeaux…Can you give a snapshot of life with your host-family, your school, and your impressions of the city?

Emma: Well firstly, whenever anyone asks about my experience in Bordeaux, I tell them it was magic. Maybe it was a combination of my childlike whimsy and the fact that it was my first time leaving the country, but the moment I stepped off the plane, I had this feeling of, “I'm here. I'm doing this, and I'm gonna commit to this.” And then I lost my luggage. Of course that was scary and overwhelming, but I still felt I was exactly where I was meant to be. It was a kind of peace I hadn’t experienced in my life until that point.

So Bordeaux is in the southwest region of France. At the time I was there, there were nearly a million people in the metropolitan area, so spatially it’s compact, but it never felt suffocating. It's a large bustling town, and there was always something creative going on.

I lived in the area near my school. There was a dormitory for students who came in to attend school during the week, and then they would go back to their original areas on the weekends. There were some studio-style apartments there, and the school dedicated one of those for me. My studio had a bedroom and private bathroom, but no kitchen. However they offered me meals at the school, and I could use my stipend to go out for meals. I also accessorized my room and got a mini fridge when my amazing host-mom took me to IKEA.

My school wasn't far from the city center, but far enough that it felt like a true neighborhood, which was nice. At 18, living on my own for the first time, it was good to not be in the thick of it all the time.

Gabrielle: That’s a nice setup. What did you think of your school?

Emma: The school was amazing. My teaching schedule was about 20 hours a week, which felt like a lot at first because I hadn't worked a real part-time job before. And some imposter syndrome set in, like, “Am I qualified to do this? All I do is speak English.”

But everyone was just so interested in me as an American—someone from a completely different culture. As for my students, our language barrier actually encouraged them to improve their English because they really wanted to speak with me. A lot of my younger students who only knew some fundamental English words would be so excited to try to talk to me. I loved it.

As I was there, I also absorbed French so much faster than I ever would have thought. The schoolyard was such a magical place because I couldn’t walk through it without someone coming up to me.

My littles, who were four and five, would shout out “carrot” or other vocabulary words they'd been taught. Or my 18 year-old students who specialized in English would ask me things about life in America because some were hoping to do a gap year of their own soon. Everyone just wanted to learn.

Our language barrier actually encouraged my students to improve their English because they really wanted to speak with me.

We hear stereotypes about how French people dislike Americans, but I didn’t experience any of that. I was only welcomed with respect, love, interest, and curiosity. I think if you exhibit those qualities, that's what you’ll receive back.

Another thing about Bordeaux was I never felt unsafe. Of course you always have to be aware and alert while traveling, especially as a girl, but I didn't experience any fearful situations. It was just this really welcoming area.

I also branched out a little during my time abroad and visited Annecy in the east of France. My actual family in Oregon had hosted some students from Annecy when I was in high school, and now I was getting to visit them and meet their families…That was an amazing full circle experience.

Staying in these beautiful countryside homes where you're embraced by nature makes you realize their lifestyle is based around things you can't touch. It's this philosophy that life is about the things you experience and feel, and the way that you make others feel. I'd been searching my whole life, and I found a lot of answers through music, but being over there in that lifestyle and inspiring students…It really filled my cup. I'll say that.

I don’t think people understand the impact the gap year has on you. You’re suddenly given all this freedom to do whatever you want, and you’re no longer following someone else’s standard of what you should be doing. Once the stress of that lifted off me, I was free to find community within a town I had never been to with people I didn't know.

I had been searching my whole life, and I found a lot of answers through music, but being over there in that lifestyle and inspiring students…It really filled my cup.

I'm actually going back to Bordeaux this summer to visit friends and my former host-family. It's amazing that I'm still welcomed into their homes four years later. 

A PURPOSE-DRIVEN GAP YEAR

Gabrielle: You know those magnets that say, “Not all who wander are lost”? I think some people think a gap year equals a lost year. Do you think it’s possible to do a purpose-driven gap year where you’re not adrift?

Emma: Yeah, and that's why I'm taking another gap year after I graduate college in a few months! For me, it's physically impossible to not find purpose and explore and be curious during a gap year…I think in our culture we lose the idea that just existing is enough.

Gabrielle: I was just describing to a friend how hard it is for Americans to fully untangle our self-worth from our productivity. For example, I can produce a lot of stuff really fast, at a high level, and I've always been proud of that. But then I plunged into a culture where it’s not about productivity, and in my downtime, I noticed some guilt creeping in that I should be doing more. And my friend goes, “Even if you just sat around eating croissants…that’s enough. Existing is enough.” I wished we emphasized that more to kids in America. From such a young age, we're like, “What's your talent? What do you want to be?” Here, it's more about how you can contribute and enjoy life and connect with others…It's such a good reminder, and it’s serendipitous that you said that just now.

Emma: Like you said, it's something we're not drilling into our own culture here. In America we're so focused on results; on what we're creating; on the end point. When I moved to France, it was all about the journey and the process. There also wasn’t an end-of-year performance review at my school. The school year simply ended with a huge festival.

I think self-driven purpose blocks out all the imposter syndrome noise of “should-could-would.” When you’re driven by your own internal flame, that will take you much farther than anyone giving you a deadline. For me, there was never that feeling of, “If I don't do this, I'm a failure.” Instead it was, “I want to do this because my students are relying on me, and they love coming to class…And that makes me want to show up and inspire them.”

You also might be these kids’ first exposure to American culture. That’s a big responsibility which I took seriously. I remained open-minded and willing to listen to their questions and always responded honestly and authentically.

In America we're so focused on results; on what we're creating; on the end point. When I moved to France, it was all about the journey and the process.

Gabrielle: My takeaway is…when a community is more connections-focused than productivity-focused, you actually want to contribute more.  You’re doing it for yourself, and for the people you’ve invested in, which is more of a sustainable driving force.

Emma: Absolutely yeah...That phrase we often hear is, “Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life.” That's what it felt like.

Gabrielle: What was it like day-to-day as a teaching assistant in Bordeaux?

Emma: When I was in my French school, they weren’t asking me to deliver lectures. For the most part, they were asking me to let students know how things are said in American English.

I was always asked to advise on the most unexpected things. For example, I ran some student speaking exams, because that's what I did in high school. The scariest part of learning a language for me was going out in the hall with my teacher one-on-one and being asked questions in French, and being like, “Uh je ne sais pas.”

I decided to implement that during my time in France though because I thought, "If I could redo my own experience, what would I change?” I also wanted to see what things my students had retained. No matter what the lesson was, each of them retained something different. I've always said that one-size-fits-all education does not serve me the way it serves others, so I gave my students a chance to learn and show results in their own way.

I was then able to go to the professor and say, “Here's what we can do to improve.” Or, “Here's where they're really excelling.” Then we could encourage students to learn by using what they were already grasping onto.

SURVIVING CULTURE SHOCK

Gabrielle: If you’re a homebody or haven't been outside the country, culture shock and homesickness are gonna hit you during your gap year abroad. Was there a moment it hit you the hardest?

Emma: So I probably sound like the most confident person on the planet…now...but let me tell you, that's definitely not who I was at the beginning of the year.

When I arrived in Bordeaux, I was so excited to be there, but we can feel multiple things at multiple times, right? So I also felt like, “Holy crap what am I doing here? I can't speak this language. I'm falling apart.” Once school started, for example, people would try to talk to me in French, and I couldn't understand them. I felt so vulnerable. I have always been able to express myself with positivity, so this was embarrassing and alienating. The lunch room in particular felt super weird because people wanted me to sit with them, but I was like, “I can't talk to you.” That's something that took time to adjust to.

I saw my host-family on the weekends though. It was amazing to spend time in a family setting, and that also strengthened my French. I'm a very family-oriented person, so being away from home was really hard those first few weeks. When I'd go to my room at night it was so quiet, and I had no one to talk to, which I wasn’t used to. I would say I was calling my mom almost every night. 

I'm a very family-oriented person, so being away from home was really hard those first few weeks.

Gradually though, I started picking up French. I literally carried a mini notepad and pen around with me everywhere, and whenever someone said a word I’d never heard before, I'd be like, “Can you tell me what that means?” I would write it down, and then I'd practice how to use it later. I set these goofy little goals for myself like: “I'm gonna use this word in a sentence two times today.” 

I have a funny story about using a word incorrectly that I'll share with you. So I have a palm allergy, which is a preservative, and the word “preservative” in French translates to “condom.” Well during one of my first nights with my host-family, they asked if I had any food allergies, and I explained in French about my allergy to that preservative. I went on to say how I’d discovered at a very young age that preservatives weren’t good for my stomach. My host family was very quiet, and I noticed they were blushing. Finally they were like, “Are we talking about the same thing?” I put the word into Google Translate and my whole body flushed red. They could not stop laughing after I explained what happened. I was mortified.

Gabrielle: I’m so happy you said that. I went to the pharmacy the other day to purchase some preservative-free eye drops. And in French I said, “Good afternoon. I need the eye drops that don't have condoms.” And the pharmacist was like, “Pardon?” And I was like, “Sir. I cannot put condoms into my eyes. I had them in my eyes when I was young and it is bad.” You could hear a pin drop in that pharmacy. I silently pulled out my Google Translate and had the same experience you described.

Emma: Oh my god that’s incredible.

UNFORGETTABLE MOMENTS

Gabrielle: Okay now that we’ve revealed some humiliating experiences, let’s get into the positive. What’s one moment in France you'll never forget?

Emma: You know, even when things were hard, I genuinely remember thinking multiple times, “I am in those moments that I will talk about for the rest of my life.”

Even when things were hard, I genuinely remember thinking multiple times, “I am in those moments that I will talk about for the rest of my life."

I’ll share one memory in particular. At the end of the year, my school put on a huge outdoor festival, and the elementary schoolers  choreographed dances to perform to different songs. A couple months prior, while we were teaching the kids the song “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong, the teachers were like, “What if you sang it instead?” I hadn’t been keeping my voice up—as I'd been so focused on the new world I was in—and the thought of mixing those worlds was very scary.

I felt that old self-judgment rush back in. “What if my voice isn't strong enough now?” But then I remembered it's not about me. My whole year had not been just about me. The teachers were only asking me to go up because it would give reinforcement to the students if someone they knew was on stage with them…They were so nervous to do this little dance. So I was like, “I'll do it.”

When the festival arrived, I went on stage and sang as my students danced. I didn't think it was going to be a big thing, but every parent in the audience was filming it. I was just in jeans and a t-shirt and sharing some music none of them knew. Now that song is forever linked to my time there. It might be the most impactful performance I've ever done because it all boiled down to the connections and impact I’d made while living abroad.

The only thing I could think is, “I just can't wait to come back and see these kids again. I can't wait to see my host-family again. I can't wait to be back in this town again.

Gabrielle: And you were right...because you’re about to go back!

Emma: I can’t wait. I'm also actually looking at interviewing with some companies that have bilingual programs. By the time I left Bordeaux, I was completely fluent. I've lost a little bit of the functionality and slang, but I've kept in really good contact with a lot of French exchange students, so I'm hopeful that whatever I do next, I can do it in both languages.

SO WAS IT WORTH IT?

Gabrielle: Okay circling back to the shift in perspective you experienced during your time abroad…What advice do you have for the girl who got off the plane that first day whose luggage was missing?

Emma: I would say…give yourself grace. We're all so hard on ourselves. We think it's going to motivate us to do better, but the best motivator is just being in the moment and giving yourself grace to make mistakes…because a failureless life is impossible. Once you become okay with riding the waves of disappointment and mistakes, you realize those can be beautiful parts of life. I've taken that lesson through college and so many other things. Just give yourself space to be a human and not feel like you're the only one going through something. And I would also tell her she could never predict all the amazing things she was about to experience, nor some of the challenges, but that she makes it through, and she’s so much better off for it.

The best motivator is just being in the moment and giving yourself grace to make mistakes…because a failureless life is impossible.

Gabrielle: How about advice for anyone contemplating Andégo?

Emma: One of the biggest benefits of doing Andégo is having such a strong team of support around you. You actually have the company CEO texting you on the day you arrive. I remember Robert texting me at 3am in his time zone to see if I was okay. The fact that he was so selfless to ensure I was safe and settling in was like nothing I've ever experienced. I mean, here’s the head honcho being so invested in my individual well-being.

The whole way through, it felt like Robert really saw me for who I was and personally helped me get through the program. He does his work purely because he wants others to feel the same inspiration he feels…Everyone I've met at Andégo, and through the program, has believed in me and cared about me, and I don't think that’s something I could have found elsewhere.

Gabrielle: Especially if you'd done a program through a larger company.

Emma: I don’t feel like Andégo is a company. I feel like Andégo is a family. And that's what changed the whole idea of this gap year for me.

I don’t feel like Andégo is a company. I feel like Andégo is a family.

Gabrielle: Okay, in one sentence, what does Andégo mean to you?

Emma: Andégo gave me the opportunity to become the best version of myself, and I’ll be endlessly grateful for that for the rest of my life.